Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Boobs are out for the taking
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
