we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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