quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
