this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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