Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
