VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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