Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
