how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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