I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
