I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
