Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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