Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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