you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
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