oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
