Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
