he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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