Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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