It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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