my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
