Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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