He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
