If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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