my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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