So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When did we convert life to cartoon?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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