Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
