dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
