great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
