i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
