I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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