i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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