I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
