I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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