What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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