Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
