Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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