Sacagawea was the original milf.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How does it feel to date your dad?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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