watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize