his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
