I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I supernannyed him into submission
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
