It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
