somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
