i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I am puke
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
