Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
