He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
