We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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