When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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