She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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