His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize