Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
