Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
