I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
