I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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