i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
