I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
