So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
