i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
