I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
