"it" just moved
I wish you could order shots online.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
