Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The beer is more important than you right now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
