my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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