I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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