He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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